Can't Climb The Wall

Fuck.

It's been so long.
so very long

since something Good
stayed Good.

What the Fuck.

I've bled myself Dry,
been leaking ever since,

ever since success in Life found me

Debts, Emotional debts, spiritual debts,
Financial debts

following years of Mistakes

Decisions made from the head,
not the Heart.

I keep moving,
just moving,

or I Die.

I pray.
I say things like God, I offer myself to Thee
to build with me, and to do with me as Thy Wilt

Sometimes Hashem hides from me
or
I hide from him

when I need him

when I need her
when I need you
when I need them
When I lose it All

and When I run

and when i Fall